Isn't it funny how some memories never leave you? In fact, some memories...well, they stay as fresh as a wrapped Twinkie. Do you remember the Twinkie? Yellow sponge cake surrounding a center of creamy deliciousness that's almost indescribable. 3 puncture holes in the bottom of the cake where the cream was inserted by big machines (I know this becasue I'm a big fan of the "Secret Life of..." Series on the Food Network channel). One very vivid childhood memory centers around this little goodie, and I'd like to share with you MY version of the story...
Mom had been to the grocery store (that was a big event for us as kids - to come home from school and realize that mom had been to the Jewel...and now MY kids love it when they come home and discover I've been to Winn Dixie. By the way - who sits around and comes up with these ridiculous names for grocery stores? Winn Dixie? Piggly Wiggly?). In the pantry sat an unopened box of Twinkies. The instructions were clear: one Twinkie a day. Have it in your lunch; have it after school; have it for breakfast...but you may have ONLY ONE.
The next morning as I toted my lunch pail to the school (I had one of those red ones from tupperware - remember? It had all the little boxes that fit perfectly inside of the bigger red box with a handle around it? Like I said, some memories never leave you...), I thought of the Twinkie that would be waiting for me around 11:30 or so.
Lunch finally came and the Twinkie was relished. I broke it in half long-ways, ran my tongue down the center to scoop out the cream and then ate the cake separately. It was an art, really. The day was complete. Social studies, art, math...it was time to go home.
Back in those days we were "latch key" kids. I literally wore the key to my house attached to a piece of red yarn around my neck. My brother and I got home and turned the TV on (which, for us, was really just one single gesture. Walk in with thumb outstretched...and yell "I get couchcontrol!!!!" before my brother did. This was the goal.) I think Chris got couchcontrol that day...he must have, for the events which transpired next to have occured properly. With his gaze and attention elsewhere, I meandered back to the kitchen - solo - for a snack. I opened the pantry and there - eye level - was the box of Twinkies.
Now, understand...I knew the one Twinkie rule existed, and I can appreciate the need for rules such as that one. But the actions that I took...am I really to be blamed? I mean, the twinkies were at eye level. I was a latch key kid for Pete's sake! (If that doesn't earn me another Twinkie, what does?). And, unfortunately for my brother Christopher, he happened to be going through a "lying" phase. I'm not proud of it, but I used the situation to my advantage. Quietly, I slipped the forbidden second Twinkie out of the box, and secretly ate that one, too.
Well, the damage was done. There was no getting around this one. I could try and rearrange the remaining Twinkies in the box...but there STILL would have been one less than there should have been. And make no mistake: Tennie (my momma) would come home and count.
I holed up in my room for a while. Waiting. I think I even gave it a good straightening up as well. I figured anything might help. When Tennie came home, I heard her in the kitchen and then climbing the stairs to my room.
"Who ate two Twinkies?" She demanded.
Now, when faced with a question like this and certain wrath, what can a 9 or 10 year old do, but give the only answer possible:
"Chris".
I'm not proud of it, folks, but I did it. I lied. I bold-faced lied to my mom, and worse? She believed me. Chris got a spanking.
Years later I told my parents...but the damage was done. He loves me now, but Chris battled bitter demons for many years as a result of the "Twinkie story". I told my kids the story a couple years ago as an example of what NOT to do...but they think it's just such a great story and ask to hear it at all hours of the day. Over and over and over again. Maybe they can't believe their mom would have done such a thing.
So, little brother, I'm sorry. I owe you. I owe you so much. Apologies, deep, deep personal sorrowful regret...and all the Twinkies you can eat.
Bless ya!
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