After my blog post yesterday, I had some time by myself in the car yesterday evening. I love to be in the car, alone, radio off, so I can just think. What was I ruminating on, you ask? Let me share...
I had some time by myself...in the car...on the way to the pharmacy...to pick up TWO antibiotics for Molly's ear...which was SO infected it was almost closed...Michael stayed home...to hold her down...and ease her crying...and her pain...and her suffering...
Could you please hold my "Mother-of-the-Year" award for a minute so I can kick myself?
Yes. As I drove to the pharmacy, following my supreme lack of judgement yesterday, a couple things ran through my mind.
First, and I've said this before, I love to be right, folks! And when I'm not (like this time), I feel like a fool. But I love God - I love how it's his grace that won't let me always be right. He loves me too much to let me think so highly of myself, of my thinking skills, of my judgement. My friend Lynne told me when I was in Birmingham last..."Have a healthy distrust of everything you think/feel." The wisest words said to me lately. (I love you, Lynne...thank you for bravely speaking into my life!!)
And also...God gives me so much more than I deserve. When I fall on my face as a mom, wife, friend, Christian, he doesn't push me away! He restores me and enables me to help restore the situation. This means I can go to Molly, tell her I'm sorry for what I did, explain to her how much mommy needs Jesus, and in that I will teach her a bit about what it means to fail well. The world has its own agenda - and it will try and teach her to not take responsibility for her failures, or to cover them up, or to blameshift, or to deny them, or to just "act like you've got it all together". Don't think for a minute that the world will teach her to "boast in her weaknesses, because when she's weak, she's strong." So, in the end, this is for her good as well as mine.
By the way...the pharmacy I went to was Rite Aid. Again. What is it about that place?
Bless ya!
2 comments:
Thank you for your vulnerability. I needed this today.
Will you be my mother figure?
Ernest t. (Bass, not the went to camp ernest)
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